I have so much to say, yet nothing seems 'right'. For some reason I have been at a complete loss for words today. (I know, I know… many of you are completely shocked by that!) I woke up with a heavy heart… Like and elephant sitting on my chest, heavy. It took some time to get to that place where it was comfortable to take a deep breath. It has occurred to me lately that the grieving 'process' truly started this past year for me. The first two years I was in survival mode. Surgery after surgery followed by recoveries where my main priority. I was fighting for this thing called a 'normal' life. Fighting to heal so that I could live again. So that WE could live again. I have had an entire year without any form of surgery or therapy leaving me to deal with the emotional aspect of this grieving process. There are days that I feel like my nose is barely above the water line. That I am just trudging through the day to get 'by'. There are other days that I feel like I'm 'there'. In fact, most days I feel like I'm 'there'. With all of this come extreme highs and lows, emotions that are way to much to bare and the list goes on and on. It's a very difficult thing to describe to someone that hasn't been there. I've also found that my heart is able to love again. To love fully again. I'm grateful that even through hurt and pain that God mends even the deepest wounds. God is continuously providing in our lives and for that I am eternally grateful!
There are not enough words to show how much the boys and I are blessed by each of you. We would not be where we are today without all of your prayers, love and support. XOXOXO
"Broken Hallelujah"
I can barely stand right now,
Everything is crashing down,
And I wonder where you are.
I try to find the words to pray,
I don't always know what to say,
But you're the one that can hear my heart.
Even though I don't know what your plan is,
I know you're making beauty from these ashes.
I've seen joy and I've seen pain,
On my knees, I call your name.
Here's my broken hallelujah.
With nothing left to hold onto,
I raise these empty hands to You.
Here's my broken hallelujah.
You know the things that have brought me here.
You know the story of every tear.
'Cause You've been here from the very start.
Even though I don't know what your plan is,
I know you're making beauty from these ashes.
W love. We mourn. We Remember. WE HEAL.
Xoxo,
Mel
